Recession Cooking Tips: Watermelon Punch "au biberon"

If you're, like, me, then reading Pete Well's enigmatic editorial about violent cocktails in Sunday's New York Times left you craving a watermelon punch in the face. The first paragraph appears to recap an early episode of Dexter, the Showtime crime drama featuring Michael C Hall in the title roll. The rest of the piece "makes the case" that had Wells and his wife raised Dexter he never would have been exposed to alcohol at a young age, and things would have turned out differently. (Um, maybe you're right but then there wouldn't be a show?!? It's fiction!) He then makes the case against European households that offer kids knickerbockerneufchatel Rieslings once they reach double digits. (And he's right, being two fingers old is too young for any more liquor than the cap of whiskey necessary to put a baby to sleep.) His solution is to make fancy juice blends for the kids then add liquor to the adults servings which I first thought was like letting your kid eat a mud pie then eating yours with whipped cream, but he was right. His recipe for "Watermelon Punch" was great, but expensive. Now I hadn't had juice in years, since my mom threw me out of the house at 17 because she told me our religion meant I could only date or marry juice she approved of and I thought she was crazy. But maybe she's on to something. The only thing? Wells is recipe requires watermelon, limes, lemon, seltzer and ice and the people who make those things don't send cases of them to bloggers. But do you know who does? Naked Juice. And if you're not a blogger, a bottle is only $3.29. It's like juicy couture: Watermelon, white grapes, strawberry, lime and a hint of ammonia fruit already blended together. It's like a Friendly's Watermelon Log in a blender in your mouth. What's even better, you can just add your favorite liquor to this and take it to work, to the gym or park, or on your urban porch and your kids will be none the wiser. And to all the parents out there, lay off pushing it on your kids. Discovering the naked juice right for them is another pleasure best left for your kids to discover in adulthood.

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[vibram five fingers]

The rest of the piece "makes the case" that had Wells and his wife raised Dexter he never would have been exposed to alcohol at a young age